whether or not Your lips move

You speak to me

ministry multipliers meeting May 25, 2010

Filed under: calling,mentoring,sex,women's ministry — Ashley @ 2:55 pm
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I just came from a really awesome 2 hours spent with fabulous women from all across the country. They invest their lives in other women on a constant basis and it is just awesome to see their heart and passion for God and women of all ages.

In just those 2 hours, God further pressed into me the need for me to 1) be myself and the person He created me to be, and 2) speak out on the things that I am passionate about. Because there are dozens of others who are passionate about the same things, and we all need to be encouraged to continue in the paths God has carved out for us. For me, this passion comes out in the area of mentoring and what many might call “biblical womanhood.” Some of you who know me and spend a lot of time with me have heard me use the term “warrior princess” for this idea. (And yes, I’m still working on that paper– one of these days I’ll finish it and post it here!!!)

For those women who were there today, I want you to know I am going to work hard to create a blog post that will help empower parents to talk to their children about sex beginning from birth. There are several resources out there that have been useful to me as I’ve studied sexual development, and I’ll point you to those. For those who were interested in the Keep Him or Dump Him blog, you can click here.

I also want you to know that I want to hear from you. I have a very diverse audience on this blog, from teenagers to grandparents. I love each and every one of you and want to know what you need in your lives right now so I can pray with you and interact with you on this journey!

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Are all men liars? January 29, 2010

Filed under: healthy relationships series,sex — Ashley @ 11:45 am
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Once when I was in college, as a joke at an open mic night I read Psalm 116:11, “I said in my haste, ‘All men are liars'” to prove that even the Bible said so. All the girls had a pretty good laugh at that one. The guys, not so much.

I just ran across a fascinating article from USA Today. An internet survey of 1200 guys revealed some interesting things about guys ages 15-22. (I would be interested to see the same questions asked of older guys!)

Cool:

  • 45% said they were virgins. (Way to go, guys!!!)
  • 78% agreed there was “way too much pressure” from society to have sex.
  • 53% said they had had a conversation with a parent about preventing pregnancy.
  • 66% said they could be happy in a serious relationship that didn’t include sex.

Yikes:

  • 45% said they were virgins.
  • 53% said they had had a conversation with a parent about preventing pregnancy. 
  • 60% said they had lied about something related to sex.
  • 30% lied about how far they have gone.
  • 24% lied about their number of sexual partners.
  • 23% claimed not to be a virgin when they were.
  • 57% of sexually active respondents said they had had unprotected sex.
  • 51% said having sex before marriage was acceptable in their family. 
  • 53% of guys said having lots of hookups makes them popular, but 71% said it makes girls less popular.

So basically, ladies, you can’t always trust what a guy is telling you about his sex life right of the bat.  One of the survey respondents implied that some guys will tell you whatever they think it is that you want to hear to make you feel special. And how about that double standard concerning hookups??

I know none of this is coming as a surprise to you. But what can we do?

Instead of bashing them and assuming men are all alike, let’s find some ways to send a message to them loud and clear: It’s not OK to lie about your sex life, guys. You don’t have to lie to a girl for her to like you. If you’ve got some mistakes in your past and really think she could be “the one,” tell her about them. If you are inexperienced and you think she needs to know, be honest about it. Contrary to what VH1 wants you to believe, virginity really is cool. Also: you shouldn’t have to lie to one another in order to be “the man.” If those guys are really your friends and worth being around, they will support you in living a life that honors God, yourself, and women–your future wife and daughters especially. 

Ladies, this means you’re going to have to treat yourselves the way you want to be treated–and don’t settle for less. Be smart and ask good questions of the guys you date. Have high and reasonable expectations. Be careful about the way you present yourself–not just in the way you dress, but in the way you act and talk, too. I’ve always heard it said that people can tell a lot about who you truly are by what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. Be aware of the message you are sending guys as you interact with them. Be careful about how much “flirting” you do, including “innocent touches” and hugs. Truth is, girls, when it comes to guys you have WAY more power than you may think you do, and that is something to be wielded with much caution and respect. You’ve got to be diligent in this area because men are extremely fragile when it comes to their sexuality. You can emasculate a guy with one sentence. You can make him fall in love with you with a single glance. I have seen this over and over, girls. I was completely clueless on this front for many years and left quite a trail of broken hearts. Don’t do the same! 

So, are all men liars? Maybe, maybe not. But let’s do what we can to help change the direction our world is going. Start a movement!